Congratulate them: Coming out is a huge step, irrespective of whether you are the first or the hundredth person they have come out to. They gathered the courage to share their real self with you and be vulnerable around you. The entire journey deserves acknowledgement
Thank them for trusting you: It probably took a lot out of your friend or family member to share this with you. It is a testament to their trust in you and the strength of your relationship. Thank them for trusting you with one of the most sacred aspects of their lives.
Assure Confidentiality: Assure them that their identity/ sexuality is safe with you and that you will never out them and never do it.
Educate yourself: Learn about different identities/ sexual preferences to understand their experiences. Understand their unique stressors. Discrimination, isolation and violence are unfortunately a common part of queer experiences in India
Ask about their preferred pronouns: Ask them about their preferred pronouns, learn about different pronouns, and share your preferred pronouns as well
Ask about their preferred names: In case your loved one comes out as transgender as them if they would like to change their name assigned at birth (dead name). if so, enquire about their preferred names and always address them accordingly.
Offer a safe space: When people come out as queer they need a safe space to think through their journeys. They may also need a physically safe space to stay in case they come out to family and are ousted by them.
Don’t be judgemental: It’s understandable that you may have some questions when someone comes out to you. However, be mindful of the fact that they don’t owe you an explanation. Also, be careful about how you word your questions. Saying something like ‘This is just a phase’ or ‘We will get you cured’ or ‘You will get over it’ can be extremely dismissive and discomforting.
Don’t make the conversation about you: Your loved one doesn’t owe you an explanation and their lived experience isn’t a space to find answers to your personal curiosity. The first conversation isn’t a place to bring up your thoughts, feelings, and questions.
Share resources: Queer persons have unique stressors which include lack of legal and societal sanction, discrimination, erasure, misgendering, and even violence, and are often disowned by the people they love. In these circumstances, they often need financial, psychological, and emotional support and safety. Share resources that can help them in any way this can range from offering a physical safety net to sharing resources for their mental health or simply connecting them to other queer individuals you may know. Do what you can or even better ask them how you can help. Remember, they know themselves better than anyone else.
Leave a Reply